Basic Twitter Manual - (Twitter 101) *gj style*

I have been asked by no one, to write this manual on how to use Twitter. I probably shouldn’t even be the one to write it, since I know nothing special. I have only been “tweeting” for 3 months. But I am a writer and a computer pro, so here goes.

Oh my… the thought of writing this manual is already overwhelming to me. The whole reason that I love Twitter is I can blog in 140 characters or less. That is perfect for me. My thoughts are fast, short and sweet. So using that philosophy, here goes something:

1. Get a free Twitter account. Oh, you already have one? Good.

2. Make sure you have a secure password. You don’t want me to get a hold of your Twitter account and embarrass you.

3. Make a few new friends or “Twitterbuds.” Start with me because I am the best. Then add @LeoLaporte. Leo probably won’t follow you back because he has over 13,000 following him. Follow @ChrisBrogan. He loves everyone and will “probably” follow you. @MouseWords loves everyone too. She’s sweet, wholesome and spiritual. So am I, but you’d never believe that now, would you?

4. Consider adding @Tindle. I said, consider… you don’t actually have to do it (wink wink.) Oh, the heck with it… go ahead and add the bloke. He can buy me an ale later. There are actually some very helpful people on Twitter. One could call them the matriarchs. They seem to have a fetish for knitting… and for me. Use www.Terraminds.com to find them. Search for the term “frozen pea.”

5. Add @iJustine. Everyone else does. This would be a good thing, because at least then you’ll get half of my jokes. I tease Justine quite often… but in a very humble and loving way. “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” You go, girl!

6. Tweet! That’s what it’s called when you type 140 characters or less in the text box under, “What are you doing?” Then click the “update” button below the text. Now a bazillion potential stalkers can see what you’ve just tweeted. Don’t worry though, most of them are harmless and many don’t even speak English.

7. Now might be a good time to remember that this is ALL public. Don’t put your address in your Twitter profile. Oh, and don’t talk to strangers. Wait a second… strike that last thought. Hmm, I guess I already did

8. Did I mention to following @iJustine yet. You see, I told you I’d have trouble with this.

9. Placing an @ symbol in front of a username designates it as a reply. Here’s where Twitter gets real tricky and it’s the main reason I am writing this stupid manual. In your settings, check how you are set up to receive reply tweets. It’s under Settings/Notices/@ Replies.  If you don’t want to miss a precious and precocious tweet of mine, make rootin’-tootin’ sure you have Twitter set to “show all @ replies.”

I’m really tired of writing. Can I PLEASE stop now? You can figure out the rest of Twitter on your own, or better yet… just Google (or Mahalo) Twitter 101 to find out more.

That’s it for now. When I muster up the energy, I’ll blog again about the more advanced features of Twitter… like the Secret Twitter Back Door, or how to get @MegFowler not to follow you.

Bye for now… -gj (a computer pro)

A Purpose Driven Twitter

You might be aware that I’m not a Christian. I am a little more old school when it comes to my religious belief. I’m happy with that. But I live in a world where most of my friends are Christian. I am well aware of what that means, because I spend a lot of time in Church. I maintain the computer systems and networks for three different Churches. Their Pastors are my good friends. We talk a lot.

Being old school, means I’m pretty set in my ways. My beliefs are strong. I consider myself very spiritual. I believe strongly in prayer. I believe in the Old Testament. I am a believer. I believe that Twitter has a purpose, and we are seeing it unfold in real time. So what is the purpose of me having over 1,000 Twitterbuds in less than two months? What is the purpose of my closest Twitterbuds being (what I consider IMHO) the “good core people” in the Twitterverse? Out of the many thousands of Twitterers, why was Ashley Spenser, aka @ashPEAmama my Twitterbud? What about Susan Reynolds and Preppy Dude? Why did we become Twitterbuds so quickly?

I was told as a child, that I needed to write. It is one of the things I supposedly do best. I was never really motivated to do so, until I found an easy way… in 140 characters or less. So here I am, making friends fast and doing what I was probably created to do. I have found a new purpose, which I believe I shall use for good.

I hardly new my Twitterpal Ashley, but I miss her. I hardly know Susan Reynolds or Preppy Dude Duane, but we have a true friendship and I never want to miss them.

Sure, I make every effort to entertain when I tweet. I also occasionally attempt to make an intelligent point. Rest in peace, Ash. That’s all.

-gj

Maserati shopping for NetDorks

I went online this Cyber-Monday to get a total deal on a Maserati, But apparently I typed the URL for Beverly Hills Maserati incorrectly and inadvertently wound up at a porn site called Technorati ??? I didn’t really mind all the nekedness, but I was hoping there would be pictures of iJustine, CaliLewis, AmberMac or Leo Laporte there.  Oh well, “live and learn.”  I guess I’ll have to keep driving my crappy Ferrari for another year. I just got it washed but the rims are still dirty. I’m afraid to ask, but isn’t there a phrase I can relay to my house boy Kato… a request to have my rims cleaned?

P.S. I can’t login to my LiveDoor account because amazingly, I still don’t speak Japanese.

 -gj (dork)

Today I went to a new Dentist.

I’ve already Tweeted @twitter.com and Jaikued @jaiku.com about my experience at my new Dentist. But, in case you missed it, here is the recap. (comedy already!)

I arrived for my appointment at 2:30 (tooth-hurty) and disrobed as required.  After the probe, I was told to remove my implants.  Upon further examination, I was told to leave and never come back.

Of course, I got a lollypop, a rubber toothbrush and a tube of tooth blackener.  This will come in handy as I start Clown College in the spring.

That’s it for now.  I must rest these weary fingers.

 -gj

The comet… it just ’sploded!

I was outside and I saw it!  The comet everyone has been talking about on The Comet Channel, MSCometBS, Rush Limberg’s Comet Talk Radio Network of Excellence and of course www.explodedcomet.com.  I just took a pair of power spectacles outside and pointed them up torwards the big “M” constallation, and I saw what appeard to be a fuzzy semi-transparent moon.  It looks like this http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21636369/  If you happen to see it yourself, please do not move it or break it.  It is very fragile.  Now I’m going to go hide under my bed.

It sucks, but WordPress is last…

It’s strictly alphabetical.  And in my list of ‘blogs, WordPress is last so my final crappy leftover ‘blog gets posted here. The problem is that after posting 3 other blogs tonight, I’m out of material. Since I no longer work blue, I can’t even toss in a cheap Dick joke just to finish off. Problem solved. Good night ladies (and genitals.) P.S. Follow me at www.twitter.com/acomputerpro

Reinventing Myself Online

Ok, I’m listening to Leo as usual and I’m trying to tie all my ‘blogs to my website, videos and Podcasts.  I’m A Computer Pro.  I run www.acomputerpro.com.  What I think I’m going to do is mirror all my blogging.  I have to learn me tags more better.  I have to stay hip with social networking and lifecasting.  I have to become a hot skinny blond girl!